A rememberance

One of those things I guess. The moment you catch yourself
Starring at and old photo. Perhaps it is even on display
Somewhere in your home. You know it’s there, but you pass it
every day, busy with other things in life.
And then one day something stops you. A moment when you
pause and connect with the photo (or picture/ art). The moment
when it escapes the subconscious and brings you back to that moment.
Whatever your emotions are. Maybe happy or sad, anger and calm, etc.

Tonight I found myself staring at and connecting with an old photo of one of my cats. He passed away about 5 years ago. I feel sad though. When we moved to another military base I had to leave two of my cats and my dog behind. A close friend was fostering them until we could get back to get them. My cat, Henry Albert, passed away in his sleep. He was only 10 years old. It was sad enough that he passed, but that I hadn’t seen him in several months. I wasn’t there to care for him. I hadn’t held him for a while. I just wasn’t there.
Maybe he thought I had purposely abandoned him. Of course he was with people he knew and had plenty of other cats to mingle with (my other cat, Taja Arika). But he wasn’t with me. I should have been there or at least able to bring him to our new home.

The photos can be of anyone, even simply a photo of a special moment.
There are other people and animals I had lost. Tonight it just
happened to be Henry. I miss him always. Tonight my eyes welled up with thoughts my special boy.
I dread the day when my other pets pass. It is inevitable of course and always very hard on me. My pets are like
children to me. My love for animals and compassion for them may seem crazy to some. But it’s a quality of mine. Part of makes me who I am.
And it will never go away.

Ugh it is so late, but I just had to put my feelings out there.


It’s the little things that make the biggest impact…

Regardless of the bad choices we have all made from time to time in our lives, the acknowledgement of those and the determination to change is always commendable.

Good luck with all the choices and changes you make in your lives gentlemen!

Virginia Jail’s Father/ Daughter Dance


views and how overwhelming they can be

This post is of my opinion. If you disagree that’s ok. I am just stating my experience.

For several years now I have considered myself a “gnostic” christian.  The beliefs I held were more in-line with the gnostic religious view than a formal christian line of thinking.
My feelings haven’t changed. But I have thought a lot about it and have done some research or tried to find my own answers.

To some this may sound crazy, but I first learned of gnosticism through the psychic and spiritual advisor, Sylvia Browne. So many opinions about her and her “patched together views on religion”. Some adore her and of course the opposite, those who think she is a hack, hoodwinking poor innocent people reaching for some meaning in their lives.

So why bring that up? What does that have to do with you and gnosticism? For me I somehow stumbled across the site of Novus Spiritus. I have no idea what I was looking for at the time and how I ended up there. I continued reading the links there and I was amazed. Someone was writing down the feelings and beliefs I held. The ones I kept inside because no one would understand. or so I thought. I think it started back in sunday school around the time I was in high school. I had all these questions that the sunday school teachers and preacher couldn’t answer. In fact one of them came up to my Dad and said I would be  a good philosopher. As I got older my own views and  questions about God and the role churches/ congregations in society progressed. Every once in a while I would find someone who didn’t mind listening and discussing it, whether they agreed or not. It was refreshing to say the least. But I still kept most of my views to myself. The views that I knew would surely upset some family members. Seeing as how I was practically raised in the church I knew my views wouldn’t go over well. Even so my beliefs grew and made sense to me. Much to the disappointment of some of my family. I started coming into my own. Perhaps it was a little late being in college and all. No one ever told me to form my own opinions. Yes I was told to be a strong independent woman, but Whether I realized it at the time, and whether those who raised me realized the message they were sending of this is how it is and will alway be.  I just went with what I was told to do. What is right and what is wrong, and up and down; so on and so forth. I don’t know when it happened, my own perceptions on the world started slowly squeezing their way into the forefront of my consciousness, but they did. And though no one came out and directly said I was wrong, I could sense that they were upset and confused. Almost like they were surprised  that I had a mind of my own.

Those questions I had since I was a child, the ones that no one could answer, started forming a union in my mind. Getting back to the topic of finding Novus Spiritus. What I was reading, to my amazement and relief, spoke to all I had believed. The beliefs that I mentioned before. It made sense. My became calm. I was relieved because I now knew that I wasn’t alone. That I wasn’t crazy.

As I was trying to see how the views of Novus Spiritus (a church formed by Sylvia Browne) really related to the gnosticism I was reading about. I didn’t understand because gnosticism which predated christianity didn’t seem to align with what they were saying about it on their website. What I got from it is that the “sect” called gnosticism has evolved with time. The term and view, gnosis, remains the same. It applies to both ancient and modern gnosticism.

Looking over the bad comments about Sylvia and her church, I saw a pattern of those who thought she should be stopped. That she was a crackpot who formed an occult. BUT, I thought to myself. How could she be poisoning our minds, controlling us? When one of the very first things I read about her and her organization was that all religions are welcome and that you take from it what you want. Meaning if something doesn’t make sense to you  then let it be. Its fine if you don’t. You are not being judged. Basically, Take what you want…and leave the rest.

That doesn’t sound like brainwashing to me. Her and her followers views aren’t being shoved down my throat. As far as I am concerned, I don’t know if her abilities are real or fake. Or if she is really out there to rip people off.  The only thing I know for sure, is that it makes sense to me. All of my opinions and personal experiences just connected with the message that she was voicing.

I think when you find that connection with a belief system you will know it in an instant. Everything you know and believe will add up…it will make sense. And it doesn’t matter what religion you are or think you should be. It will hold true to your mind and more importantly to your heart. Of course there are creepy people out there who aim to control others for their own intentions. I think you can spot someone who is pretending to be holy and is forming a cult by what they do, their actions. If they force feed you a belief and claim it as the only way, or ostracize you from friends and family or the world in general. Then you should be worried. Because a sincere, kind-hearted person, doesn’t have a problem with you asking questions and accepts you even if you have doubts.

Maybe you have already found what you have searched for. But if not. Don’t give up. You will find what message speaks to you. It just takes longer for some then others…as with all things in this world.

I am obviously not an expert. And in no way I am trying to convince others that this is the only way to salvation.